Lemons and Lemonade.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is going to suck.

This is the week that the ax finally fell.  I could tell they were gearing up for it.  My bosses were interviewing people for my position while I was still there and claiming that they just wanted to keep up with the newest talent.  They took all of my work and campaigns and gave it to the other assistant media planner.  They were printing off resumes and making meetings with HR.  They weren't all that subtle about it.  I had an interview at a yet to be named location last Thursday that went really well.  This week, I had a follow up interview with one of the women from the (hopefully) new jobs.  She had come to the office for a meeting and wanted to take me out.  I told my boss that I was "meeting a college friend for coffee" and went to have coffee with her.  When I got back, everyone was in a panic because they couldn't find me.  I told them that my boss knew where I was, but apparently, I should have told everyone.  


Friday I got to work and finished up the last two things on my to-do list.  One boss was out, the other was in her new office and Bryan was at his desk.  Karen didn't say 2 words to me that morning.  Around 12:30, I got a call from conference room 4 and it was HR asking me to come and see them in the conference room.  I knew that was it.  I walked in and 2 women from HR were there and they both gave me a pitying look.  I said "Edar, I know why I'm here, you don't have to feel sorry for me."  She said that everyone really appreciated my hard work and I had to bite my tongue from saying "bullshit".  (Sorry for the language, mom).  They gave me 2 weeks severance and the opportunity for unemployment.  She then basically told me to pack everything up and go.  


I walked back to my desk and told my friend Kim that I had been canned and she came over to help me pack up my desk.  At this point, Karen had taken the entire team out to lunch which I still thing is an a-hole move.  They made me move 3,000 miles away from my life, my family and friends, put me on probation without training me or giving me a chance, interview people while I'm still there, then fire me before my probationary period is over and then don't have the guts to say anything to me.  I took everything I could that had contacts on it and thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to be there anymore.  Kim and my only other friend there Angelus walked me out and I went to get my hair cut.  All afternoon, I tried to keep the panic at bay but finally just realized that I am so grateful not to have to deal with their bs anymore.  I'm so grateful to not have to worry that my name was being put on a client deliverable that was edited by someone who uses the words "irregardless" and "combined-ed" and then by another person who uses text speak to write emails to their employees and the team.  I'm glad that I don't have to explain to my boss why something is plagarism, only to have him tell me that it's fine, that's what he wants.  Having them tell me my writing is unprofessional and way below the level that it should be at this point in my life.  Having them tell me I'm unorganized and that I have an attitude....all stuff I am very confident with myself about.  I have enough insecurities, I don't need people making me feel bad about the few things I'm actually confident about.  I'm glad that I no longer have to care about Fergie, Beyonce, or Lady UGH Gaga or how many times Andy has see Fabio at his gym and how many times Elizabeth has seen so and so at the Whole Foods, or how Stacey is being stalked by Cuba Gooding Jr.  Angelus put it nicely, they think they are the level beneath movie stars and it's so sad for them because they really aren't.  They are the popular clique at high school and I'm not going to change myself to fit in with mean, superficial people like that.  


That evening, Kim and Angelus took me to dinner/happy hour at the Cheesecake Factory at the Grove to celebrate!  Kim and Angelus see what I saw and it drives them nuts too!  Kim went home but Angelus took me out to celebrate with some of his friends.  They are super cool and I'm really going to enjoy hanging out with them in the future.  I'm so grateful to him for making me get out and have a good time last Friday.  What started as a crappy day ended as one of the best that I've had here.  


I feel really good about being fired.  Well, not about being fired, but there is a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  I don't have to go to a job tomorrow with people I strongly dislike and I don't have to pretend I like them and I don't have to pretend I agree with everything they are doing.  Instead, I can work on finding a job that I actually really like.  I will get to enjoy my life a little.  I do not regret any of my actions.  I did the best that I could do and if it wasn't enough for them, then it wasn't enough.  Oh well.  It will be enough for someone else.  And who knows what that will be.  I have a million opportunities in front of me and a plan that's in God's hands.  So I'm ready.  Let's get this started.

Celebrities and life changes

I started this blog post about 3 weeks ago, but it's been put on the back burner.  The last few weeks have been a series of emotional highs and lows which has left little energy for stuff like blogging.  I apologize for the delay.

The week of February 13th-20th was pretty quiet.  I started having additional car trouble on Friday the 12th.  I got to work that Friday and my key wouldn't come out of the ignition.  I ended up having to take it to the shop and spent all morning running around trying to get it fixed.  The auto shop thinks that when I had my accident, something came loose in the gear shift column and now, when I'm in park, it's telling my ignition that I'm not in park so it locks the key.  I know how to take it out, but the valet guys can't figure it out...to the point that they just leave the key in the ignition which has drained my battery twice.  It's frustrating, but we're still dealing with the insurance agency to get it taken care of.  Keep reading for the conclusion of this story...I'm trying to write chronologically.

On February 20th, a rep offered to take us to see Will Farrell at LA Live.  I don't really like Will Farrell but I had a feeling that I would regret not going, so I went.  We met at the theater, had appetizers and drinks, and then went to the show.  That was when I found out it was Will Farrell and Friends.  Cool!

We went in the theater and I still didn't know who the "friends" were.  As we got to our seats, row 16 rows from the stage, stage right side of the orchestra, there was a card and 3-D glasses in the cup holder.

Turns out, the "friends" were John C. Reilly, Demitri Martin, and one of my favorites, Jack Black and Tenacious D!!  It was such a funny show, and I was laughing so much my face hurt.  It was a fantastic night and one of the things I'm going to miss when I leave my job...

As some of you know and some of you don't know, I've been on probation at work.  I started my job 3 days before we launched one of the largest campaigns of the year. My boss, started a month before I did, and the other assistant media planner started 2 months before him.  My boss is also 25 (just turned 25 last month) and doesn't know how to manage if his life depended on it.  I was thrown into the mix and told to do what they asked now and they would explain later.  Unfortunately, I often got direction from 3 different people who wanted things done 3 different ways and I didn't know which way was up.  They didn't have time for me to ask questions, so I did what I could, and started getting frustrated when I wasn't being trained and had to do labor and time intensive tasks 2 or 3 times because people explained things incorrectly.  The campaign ended on 12/31, and we spent 2 weeks wrapping it up, then I was called into a meeting with HR about my attitude problem and inability to do anything correctly.  Um, what?  I did some soul searching and realized that a mixture of moving 3,000 miles away from my friends, away from my family, away from a place I loved to live into a job where I wasn't being trained, I didn't have (or have time for) friends, and I realized that I had slipped into a pretty deep depression.  It had probably been coming since June when I was laid off, but the months since I moved to LA were like shoots and ladders and I slid all the way to square one.  I decided to go back and see a psychiatrist, and that might solve the attitude problem (which was me being there but not "present")  We went back and forth for a month and they gave me the training, along with weekly meetings where they beat me down because I wasn't doing this right and wasn't doing that right and I didn't react properly in this situation or didn't say the right thing in that situation.  I had my follow up meeting February 22nd and they said that they had seen progress but I wasn't at the perfect level they wanted me to be (this was on my 4 month anniversary) so they were going to extend the probation for an additional 30 days before making a decision about whether to fire me or keep me on.

Sometime at the end of February, we went to a place called BOA for dinner.  Delicious steak (not quite as good as Cut) but we had a star studded evening.  Taylor Lautner from the Twilight series was there (we saw him getting into his car with the hordes of paparazzi) and while we were waiting for our cars from the valet, Lori Laughlin, who played Aunt Becky on Full House walked out.  That was my first real star sighting, and I've realized that it's cool to say "Hey, I saw so and so today" but it's not ok to bring up in every conversation the celebrities that shop in your grocery store as some people I know do.

That Friday, I had another weekly meeting with my bosses and they reamed me out again.  They tell me to do one thing (fight for my job, tell them when a mistake is not my fault) but when I do, it's considered being too defensive.  They want me to ask questions, but when I do, they get mad because I'm asking questions.  They want me to do everything perfectly (after 4-5 months of working there) but "haha silly Diana, we don't expect you to be perfect!  But if you make a mistake, it will be put on our pro list to fire you.  Oh, and we won't always tell you when you've messed up, so you'll have to guess."  They want me to bring my personality and my skills to the table, but when I do, they think that the job isn't a good fit for me.  They want me to not question them (in a "well, why are we doing it this way" respectful tone) but if I don't ask that, they know that I'm just pacifying them.  (This was brought up when my boss told me I was being too defensive, and I replied that they were telling me to fight for my job, and she said that was what she was talking about so I said "ok"). I had a mini-meltdown that night, and was so lucky to have a philosophical friend walk me through it.  I didn't sleep well at all that night, and woke up the next morning on edge.  Somewhere between that Saturday morning that that night, I decided that I was finished.  I have been so stressed out about this job, I'm getting migraines at least once a week, I've had the flu, back to back colds...I physically cannot take the stress of this job any longer.  I have jumped through every hoop that they have asked me, and they won't even meet me half way.  As my therapist told me, when I'm giving them 90% and they won't even give me 10%, how can I expect to have a successful relationship with them?  I think the breaking point came when I thought back on my conversation with my boss and she told me that if person a thinks I'm a super star and person b thinks I suck, then I need to listen to person b and change myself to fit how they think I should be.  Two days earlier, I had the conversation with my shrink about how I needed to stop molding myself to be the person people wanted me to be and I needed to be me.  If I am a puzzle piece, I need to find a job that I fit into rather than having to change my shape to fit into a job.  That's not saying that I can't squeeze into a piece and eventually warp into a perfect fit, but the match needs to be there originally.  Over the last week, I've applied to probably 40 jobs, called the people I've needed to call and done everything to find a good job that I can really enjoy.

 Monday, March 1st, we met up with our MSN team and they walked us through a 2 and 1/2 hour presentation (we were all dying) but then took us to the Blues Jean Bar.  The Blues Jean Bar sells really expensive jeans, but what's interesting about them is that you go in and give your size, the wash you want, and the cut you want and they will bring you a million pairs until you find one that fits well.  I ended up getting a pair of Citizens of Humanity jeans that fit decently.  They are 15 inches too long, so I need to get them hemmed, but that's ok.  I didn't have to pay for them and they are considered "luxury denim".  Everyone that night was talking about how they splurge on $300 jeans because they don't wear pants, they only wear jeans....well, I'm happy with my $34.50 Old Navy jeans that will wear out in a year...but that's just me.  I didn't even spend that much on my really super good running shoes!

Tuesday, I woke up and the key wouldn't come out of my ignition at all.  I spent lunch running it to the shop, getting my rental car, etc.  It is now fixed, $350 later (plus a rental car!) so we'll see how this pans out when I pick it up tomorrow!!

So wish me luck as I embark on yet another job search.  It's all going to work out, I just need to get on the right path now.